Crazy Life

Spring is in the air!

2010-04-22T12:50:00.004+02:00

Ok, so I have been absolutely horrible at updating this thing. But, it's time for an update and to fill you all in on some new things going on here and in my life. I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter and celebrated it with family and friends. Christ is risen!! He is risen indeed!!! What a wonderful truth we have to hold onto and celebrate not just one time a year, but every day.

My Easter holiday was wonderful. One major reason was the blessing of a visit from my FIANCE!!! That's right! I'm ENGAGED!! My boyfriend, now fiance, came to visit me in Germany over Easter. We had an amazing time together and he totally surprised me and asked me to marry him on Easter Sunday night. What an amazing God we serve who has provided for us so abundantly. Coleman and I met while preparing to serve overseas and have been "dating" long distance for over a year. I won't bore you with all the details of our story but let's just suffice it to say that the Father has provided more strength for us during the past year and more direction and peace than we could have ever imagined. And now, we are getting married!! I rejoice in HIS goodness to us!

Along with new things like engagements, the weather is beginning to change here in Germany. Trees are sprouting green again and the temperature is rising. I mean, it's not as warm as east Tennessee yet, but it's getting there. Actually, I'm still wearing my winter coat a good bit of the time but the sun is certainly making more appearances than it has in months. I LOVE IT!!! I love the energy that comes with warmer weather. The streets are filling with people and the cafes have set up their outdoor seating. It's just so much fun!

I have also started an English club in my apartment and it is going fairly well. Numbers vary from 9 to 1 or 2 from meeting to meeting but it's been wonderful to spend time with my neighbors and know them better. I've especially began spending a lot more time with my neighbor, Marty. She is wonderful!! I can't tell you how blessed I am to have her in my life. We have coffee together, go on walks and just visit several times a week. She is a great friend and I am really going to miss her when I return to the States. More than anything though, I want to leave knowing she has a relationship with the Son and is experiencing the joy that comes from knowing Him and resting in His love. She is beautiful inside and out and I pray she knows it through Christ!

I've only 9 months or so left here in Germany and I want to make the very most of it! My plan is to spend time with friends, loving them and serving them and to leave this place exhausted because I gave it my all. The Father has been more than gracious to allow me to live and serve Him here. It's been an amazing experience and I wouldn't trade it for anything! Pray for me to finish well and to pour out His love on everyone I meet. I thank you all so much for your prayers and support. Know that I couldn't have made this journey without each and every one of you! Until next time...

Learning to Love

2010-03-10T09:44:00.003+01:00

So, I feel like I have been learning a lot about love in the past few months. Don't worry, I'm not going to get all mushy while talking about my boyfriend or anything like that, although I've learned a lot in that area, too. I'm talking about people in general and about the call on my life a follower of Christ to truly love others. This is no easy task because as humans, we are selfish and often love in a way that expects reciprocity. Jesus taught us to love sacrificially and selflessly, as He did. Let's be honest, most of us see this as in impossible task and in fact, it is without His divine intervention. The Father has been hammering this fact into my brain and truthfully, it leaves me feeling humbled and relieved that He wants control in order to love through me.

One EXTREMELY humbling realization came as the Father showed me that I cannot even love Him without His help!! How sad is that? In my flawed state, even though I am a sinner saved by grace, I am incapable of loving the Father...or anyone else for that matter, without His help. The bible says, "We love because He first loved us" 1 John 4:19. So the key to loving HIM and others starts with His love for us! This is HUGE! This pushes me to spend more time with Him so I can truly learn what it means to be loved by a heavenly Father so great and so perfect that He gave of Himself to win me! And resting in His love also provides a genuine love for others because He fills me with His perfect love. I hate being insincere and fake. Pretending to love or forcing myself to do it is not appealing at all. But thankfully, because of the Father's love, I don't have to fake it!!! He gives me a new heart, one that beats in time with His and loves as He loves. Of course, I am a work in progress but He IS changing me.

Well, I could sit and write a million words on this subject but I don't want to bore you all with so many of my random thoughts. Let me share a some of what's going on here so you'll be a little more caught up on my crazy life. I have started a conversational English Club called 'Chit Chat' in my apartment and we just had our third meeting last night. Things are going well in the group and it has enabled me to meet a lot of people in my building and also provided a way to network different groups of friends, ie-church plant members with apartment friends. The Lord really gave me this idea and English is a service I have to offer people so, why not?! Last night, we talked about everything from pets to health care and politics!! It's really a lot of fun!

The weather is turning a bit warmer (not much) and the sun has been shining more!! I am extremely happy about this! When the weather is gray, cloudy and rainy for days and weeks at a time, my mood takes a significant hit. But thankfully, the Lord has provided several sunny days in a row. People really come out into the streets when the weather is nice. I'm praying for a nice, warm, sunny Spring. We shall see...

Okay enough about me. I'm really terrible at keeping up this blog! Sorry about that!! I keep telling myself I'll do better this month but it never seems to happen. Thanks for checking up on me and praying when the Lord leads you. God IS moving here and raising up a people for Himself. I love you all!!

Why I Like Europe

2010-01-16T10:52:00.002+01:00

So, to say I haven't written in a while is an understatement. It's been a really long time and for those of you who hang upon my every word, I know this has been difficult for you (sense the sarcasm). Throughout November and December, I had several groups from US visit and was extremely busy. It seemed that I blinked my eyes and the holidays were over. During December, our team along with the volunteers, operated a couple of booths on the Christmas Market in Brühl. We had a children's pavilion with crafts pertaining to the Christmas Story, a booth for marionette puppets and a live nativity. All three points on the market were successful in relationship building. It was wonderful to meet people in town with the potential of bringing them closer the Father in the next few months.

The holidays were a blur of activity for me with visits from very special people in my life. God richly blessed my time with them and gave me a nice break from work to spend time with those I love.

Moving on to why I like Europe. Yesterday, I went to the family of some colleagues in the area to cook and baby-sit and began noticing things I truly love about living in Europe. My friend, Dawn, had asked me to buy a few things from the market for our cooking adventure, a baguette being one of the items. So, I went to the market bakery and bought a baguette which I stuffed into my little tote to take to their home. I felt so European, like Beauty and the Beast. I looked at my little tote bag with the baguette peaking from the top and just smiled to myself...and began singing the opening song from the previously mentioned movie. Then, I started my walk to their house. As I was walking, I noticed all the others on the street walking and riding their bicycles and made another mental note of why I like Europe. Bicycles. People ride their bicycles around here no matter rain or shine, cold or warm. One can see women in skirts and boots, with their work bags stuffed in a basket behind the seat or men just out to travel from one place to another. It seems that everyone has a bike. I must admit, I hope to have one myself in the next couple of months. There is something so wonderful about pedaling around from home to the market or a friends house for a visit. This sounds much more appealing when the weather is not snowy and cold but that never stops the locals. This American girl would probably not be so dedicated.

Those are just a couple of things that stole my heart about this place. The longer I am here, the more I find to capture my affections. The warm weather brings even more people to the streets and I love seeing old couples, sipping coffee at outside cafes. And every dog that lives in Germany lingers outside, enjoying the weather and freedom from the confines of their homes. I look forward to spring and the new life it brings.

The season change from winter to spring always reminds me of the Lord bringing salvation to the world through Christ. He brought new life to a dead place. Because of His sacrifice on the cross, life began to bloom again. In a world that was gray and cold, light shown and warmth entered into the hearts of men. The trees are bare but spring will bring new growth. I'm so thankful for Christ and how He makes all things new. Through His death and resurrection, we can have life and start again, our pasts erased and a new future ahead. I praise Him again, today.

I hope to be a little more consistent in blogging this year. I am so thankful for your prayers and support. The Father is blessing me more and more each day. He is moving among the people here and making Himself known. It's exciting to be a part of His work throughout the world.

By His Strength

2009-10-19T10:45:00.000+02:00

Well, things are definitely picking up in Brühl, Germany. We have hosted a team of three pastors from Nashville and are about to host a large team of twenty people from Georgia! I am sitting here now, waiting for materials to print for this large group. The Father is really moving and providing areas of ministry and relationships like we have never imagined!!

The pastors that were here last week were guest teachers at the Bible School and also preached in the local church. They were a real blessing to the students at the school and even were able to arrange for several students to do required 'Practicum' time in Nashville, working with their church! Amazing how the Father provides. My supervisors hosted three 'Lutherabende' (Luther Evenings) at their home where students were able to come, eat dinner and ask questions of the pastors. These evenings were a huge success and very encouraging to both the students and the pastors. It was amazing to see how interested and passionate these students are about reaching their communities with the Gospel.

My new friends from my building have been a huge blessing to me and I continue to spend time with them and know them better each day. I can remember asking the Father in November, before I ever flew to this side of the world, to bless me with at least three friends here quickly. Well, it's been six months that I've been here, and the Father has answered that prayer with more than I even asked for or could imagine! I am so thankful for my friends here and pray they know what an encouragement they are to me.

The group of twenty fly into town on Wednesday and it will be the beginning of another busy week. I truly enjoy my role of assisting and serving these volunteers when they come to Germany. It is a real pleasure to help these teams serve in this country and they are such a help to us and what the Father is doing here.

The days continue to get colder and colder but thankfully, it has stopped raining...for now. It really feels like Fall! However, I am missing the beautiful color change of the leaves at home and of course UT football!! All of you UT football fans, cheer 'em on to victory!

Thanks for your prayers, cards, emails and chats. I miss you all and love you a lot!

Eating my words!

2009-09-28T19:04:00.000+02:00

Ok, so for those of you who have been following my sporadic, little updates, you know that I have mentioned being a little...bored or wishing I had more to do! Well, you can serve that on a plate with french fried potatoes because I am busy every day!! It's as if someone has just opened some gate or something. Most of my days are full of activity. Let me clarify, though. This is not a bad thing. It's just a...different thing. I am very grateful to have new friends to do things with and new responsibilities to consume my time and attention. The days and weeks are flying by!

Two people I am particularly thankful for are new friends in my building. God has been so good in providing me with two ladies in my building who actually want to be my friend. Ingrid and Martina are huge blessings from the Lord. Ingrid and I have had several meetings over the last couple of weeks and Martina and I met for coffee last week for the first time. They both speak English and Martina in particular wants me to help her with her English. The Father gave me an idea per her request that maybe I should lead and English club for people in our building! This would be a great way to meet people and get to know them better. Too, English is actually something I can do well!! I would love to take this opportunity to minister to my friends and get to meet some new people. This will also give me more contacts with which to practice my German. I was able to communicate with Martina in German some at the end of our coffee outing and it wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. She is so sweet and patient. God is truly blessing me with more friends than I deserve.

The seminary where most of my friends attend, has resumed classes and my friends have returned to town. This has also presented opportunities to spend time with close friends who were gone all summer. I had missed them very much but have very recently had many outings with them. Vanessa came over and spent the night with me one evening then accompanied me to a colleagues house where I got a hair cut. My friend Evelyn had a Canadian friend in town for a week that I was able to spend some time with in Bonn just touring, goofing off and speaking English. It was a gloriously relaxing time. I was also able to visit the nearby town of Aachen where they had many concerts and vendors out on the streets because of the national elections that were just held. I was also able to visit the Museum of German History in Bonn with my friend Melli (in the above picture). She is a wonderful friend who helps me practice German. She attended the Bible School but has already graduated. Thankfully, she doesn't speak a whole lot of English so we are forced to communicate in German. I really like her and hope that my German will continue to get better so we can know each other even better!

Work has also picked up for me. We have been working on a new marionette ministry that we will try to use during the Christmas market and also in schools. There are three stories recorded in German that we are learning and practicing: David and Goliath, Noah's Ark and the Birth of Christ. So far, we have learned Noah and the Christmas Story. It's really a lot of fun but takes a lot of concentration and time to learn and perfect these stories. Our team has been getting together once a week to practice. I'm really enjoying this part of ministry.

And then I'm still trying to get my driver's license stuff all figured out. That's such a pain! I've been sent all over tar nation looking gathering different pieces of this scavenger hunt that will hopefully lead to a real, German license!! I'm not holding my breath. Things are coming along and it's forcing me to get out and do more things by myself. It truly forces me to rely on the Father when taking care of these things. And the more I do, the less intimidating this country becomes.

The biggest lessons the Father is teaching me are those of faith. Some times, I am completely overwhelmed by this life here and wonder if He chose the right one for the task. But He quickly reminds me, "My grace is sufficient for you. For my power is made perfect in weakness"-2 Cor. 12. There have never been truer words spoken. I find myself feeling weak and unable to do this task every day but find myself going through the day with His grace, strength and guidance. He is always more than enough! I know this now more than ever. He is here, in this place and I can't wait to tell you more of what He's doing. Thanks for praying! He is answering!

More Language!

2009-09-14T15:57:00.000+02:00

Ahhhh!! Sometimes I feel that I will NEVER understand this language! I have been meeting with my tutor now for a little over a week. Well, a week and a day to be exact. I'm so thankful for the chance to speak one on one with someone. It's very good practice but I am perpetually frustrated. Every morning, I wake up and tell God I can't do it another day! He, of course, enables me to do it just one more day before I crawl back into bed, exhausted to do it all over again the next day. I am beginning to understand more but the speaking is S L O W! ! ! I know that will come the longer I am here but I just want to TALK!! This probably doesn't surprise any of you who know me. Me, wanna talk? Get outta here!

I must say that my confidence is growing with each day, however. And for that, I am so thankful. Initiating too much conversation is still difficult but I'm not as scared I was just a couple of months ago. And I don't know what it is about me, but people love to ask me questions. I want so badly to help them but often times I just don't understand them. We play the charades game and I smile a lot and try to be as helpful as I can but, it's just so frustrating! God keeps giving me opportunities and I am so thankful for that.

The vulnerability that comes from language and cultural struggles has certainly increased my faith and dependence on the Lord. Throughout my time here, I have prayed and clung to Him like no other time in my life. I'm so glad He is faithful and unchanging as everything else is shifting around and feels so unstable. I am truly able to find peace in His arms.

Fall is kicking in here and the weather is turning cooler. We have enjoyed some beautiful days and I look forward to the leaves changing and more of that crisp, Autumn air. One thing I miss, however is UT football!! It's just not the same in September without it. I know you UT fans are a little disappointed in our showing last weekend, but just be thankful you can watch the games at all. I still wear my orange on game day to support our Volunteers! You can take the girl out of the orange nation but you can't take the orange nation out of the girl!

Until next time...

And now it's September!

2009-09-06T10:26:00.000+02:00

I can't believe it's September already!!! August just went by so quickly! I truly was able to do so many things in August and had a wonderful time. I spent a week with colleagues in Bavaria, visited Luxembourg and Holland with friends from home and learned how to make marionette puppets and present shows. It's been a busy month of 'rest'. The Father has been so faithful to provide me with that rest and now it's on to the busyness of the Fall and upcoming events.

I have resumed language study again, this time with a tutor instead of a class. I have only met with her once so far and she spoke very quickly and with an accent I am not familiar with. She said that I could ask her to speak more slowly when I didn't understand her. My answer to that was, 'You will know by the look on my face when I don't understand you.' And that is the truth. I have no poker face!! My confusion and frustration are there, reflected in the wrinkle in my brow, the intensity of my eyes and the hard line of my mouth. She will definitely know!! But, we are supposed to meet three or four times a week for an hour and a half each time. I am excited about this different style of learning and am hoping it will push me over the current hump I have encountered.

Oh, and I am still learning to drive! Well, I haven't been out for a lesson in a while but I only have this month to learn the material for the written test I have to take in October and I don't even know where to get the information to study from! This could be bad! So, I am praying that God will show me where I can find this information...in English so I can study. I would appreciate your prayer in this matter, also. Driving here is not something I am looking forward to. Actually, it makes me a nervous wreck!! I definitely need some divine intervention.

I have made a new friend in my apartment building and this is a wonderful gift. She lives on the 17th floor and God has totally brought us together for a reason. She is older, maybe in her fifties, and has four children who are scattered in different cities and countries. She lives alone and confided in me during our tea time Thursday night that she is often times depressed and lonely. I listened and truly felt her pain. The Father has provided for us to have each other and I want her to know Him more than anything! He is the only one who can meet our every need. She prefers to speak English and her life in the States for thirty years has made her feel she has more in common with Americans than with Germans. God is already moving in our friendship and I am thankful for the way He is providing for both of us. I pray that our friendship will grow and that she will find comfort in the arms of the Savior and experience His love in our relationship.

Well, I suppose those are the biggies to update you all on. Sorry, I haven't been faithful to update you more often. For those of you who know me well, this lack of consistency probably doesn't surprise you. I will try to do better in the upcoming months. Thanks for you prayers and concern and keeping up with me in this way. I miss you and am thankful for you more than you will know! Until next time...

Rest

2009-08-09T10:07:00.001+02:00

Well, I suppose it's been a while since I've updated you all on what's going on. I just got back from a week long conference in Bavaria with colleagues from across Western Europe and am readjusting to the quiet life I have developed here in Brühl. Last week was a wonderful time of refreshing and learning from the Father. We enjoyed great teaching, wonderful food (German food rocks), and encouraging fellowship. During this conference, I was able to spend time with old friends and make some very dear new ones. All of this took place in a hotel nestled at the foothills of the magnificent Alps! It truly was a blessing from the Lord to be there.

Now, I am home in my little apartment wondering what's next. This week, I have friends visiting from the States and a we are having a wonderful time but I can't help but wonder what comes after they leave. The weeks of August are sure to be busy with another meeting after they are gone, then preparation for activities in the months ahead. And I know the Fall and Winter will bring even more activity but I am wondering where I need to be in all this. There will be no language school this month and many of my friends are gone on vacations or doing 'hands on' work for their seminary training. I believe God wants me to take this month to refocus and seek His face for the months ahead but I cannot help but feel like a bit of a slacker right now. Perhaps this is just the mindset of Americans. You know, gotta go, go, go or you are not worth your salt as a human being? The pace is much slower in Germany and I find myself often struggling to adjust to this pace. So, I am going to rest and enjoy my company and the time of no language training. I am hoping to begin study with a tutor next month. I believe this will be much better for my practice and my comprehension.

The weather is also beginning to cool and the days are becoming shorter. I am praying that this month would bring true rest and motivation for the cold winter to come full of activities and work. My time here is flying by and I truly don't want to waste any of it! So I thank you for your prayers and ask that you continue pray for me as I seek His face to find my role in this community. The Father has been so good and I do not doubt that He will guide me these next months as I desire to know His will. I believe this month of rest is just what I need as I was growing weary of language learning and other cultural struggles.

So the goals of August are: the conference in Bavaria with colleagues from Western Europe (check), rest, time with friends from home, practice more driving (yikes), rest and a little more rest. I must learn to truly be still and relax in the arms of my heavenly Father and thank Him for these times of inactivity. He is really teaching me so much. One cool think I am looking forward to is a trip to Trier. Trier is the oldest city in Germany and was founded before 16 BC. It is along the Mosel river and contains many Roman ruins so the history buff in me is overjoyed at the prospect of seeing this city!! I am taking my friends with me and as always, am looking forward to discovering more about this land in which I live. We are aiming to visit this city on Friday! Pray for good weather. Hopefully, I can post a few pictures of my visit to this ancient city. August is a good month for me to just be a tourist instead of fighting all the time to be a resident!! Should be fun!! I'll keep you posted!

July Adventures

2009-07-16T13:46:00.000+02:00

I know it's been a few days since I've written and for that I apologize. This month has been some what of a struggle but the Lord has been completely faithful. I think spending my first birthday away from home and the cool, rainy, cloudy weather contributed to some intense bouts with culture shock during the first of this month. But God blessed me in some very specific ways during those days of struggle. He provided me with good friends, both American and German and allowed me to see Him in His word and experience His nearness through prayer. What an amazing Father He is!

The last few days have been gorgeous! It's been about 80-85 degrees and sunny! And I have had some wonderful conversations with friends in my language class and just new ones I have met. I have a new friend named Melli that I have been meeting with to help me with language learning and just to have fun with. She is the roommate and good friend of my friend Vanessa I have already written about. Melli is a German believer and speaks a little English which forces us to communicate primarily in German. She is so patient with me and allows me to struggle through what I know and corrects and teaches me. She has such a kind and fun-loving spirit and I cannot wait to communicate more with her in the future as God allows me to learn this crazy language. We had coffee last week together on a day when I really needed a friend. Yesterday, we walked around Bonn together, got ice cream and did some shopping with another girl from my class in the market. Next week, I will see her again on Saturday as we go to the German History museum in Bonn. She is such a blessing from God and I am so thankful for her!

Another adventure I have begun this month is learning to drive a stick shift! I have had some lessons in the States but they were all failed attempts and now we are on to round three! I have been once in some colleagues car for my first lesson. We went down from their house, into this field and I practiced for a couple of hours. I'm not gonna lie, I did pretty good for the first time out. I only killed it three times. Not to bad! And I got it all the way into sixth gear!! It was fast and a little scary because I was on a back road that I really should not have been driving that fast on. But, no harm, no foul! I am going to get back out again in the next week or so for another practice run. It's kind of exciting and I didn't realize how much I had missed driving. There is an element of control that comes from driving and I haven't had that in about 5 months or so. Crazy! I'll continue to update you on how this little adventure shapes up. The real test will be the autobon. I have actually ridden with someone who went about 130 mph on the autobon!! It was SCARY!! Trust me, I will NOT be going that fast (don't worry mom, I'm being careful).

I'll try to write again soon, before the end of the month and keep you posted on my crazy life. Hope every one has a wonderful weekend.

Uncomfortable is Comfortable

2009-07-07T17:06:00.000+02:00

Well, I have been here almost three full months and it has been...interesting to say the least. The challenges of language learning and cultural differences still assail me daily but the Father is making me more "comfortable" in my new home across the world. I use quotations for the word 'comfortable' because I don't know if I will ever be truly comfortable during my two years here. I am truly learning what the word means as I walk with the Father in obedience to Him.

As I celebrated my birthday away from home along with the Fourth of July, I found myself being sad at my circumstances and uncomfortable with my life away from my friends, family and country. The Lord quickly reminded me that it isn't about being comfortable, it is about being obedient. I thought, "Seriously! This lesson again?!" But it is one I must continually learn. When I submit to the will of the Father, then no matter how uncomfortable my circumstances are, I can take GREAT comfort in knowing that I am being obedient in my service to Him. That is where a believer can truly find peace in the midst of trials and heartache. Sometimes, that is the ONLY truth that spurs the believer on when he or she is faced with the most difficult circumstances of life.

This past Sunday, I went to church by myself. This was not intentional. My friend, who is German and speaks English, was supposed to meet me there but our late night prevented her from coming. I received a text from her informing me of her absence as I was on the train headed for the church. I decided to go on since I was already half way there. I won't lie and say it was really wonderful or super amazing. It was uncomfortable and awkward. I thought about just leaving in the middle of the service. I was sitting next to people I didn't know, listening to a sermon in a language I didn't understand. But then, something wonderful happened. I looked up on the stage and there sat the elements of Communion! I immediately knew that God was giving me a gift this Sunday morning. As I sat in that church with German brothers and sisters and ate the bread and drank the wine, I was reminded at how big God really is and how big His family is. It didn't matter that there were language and cultural barriers between me and the members of that church. We are all part of a bigger family and love and worship the same Savior who gave His life to set us free!!! God reminded me of the real reason I am here. To share His love with people who so desperately need it! I left feeling overwhelmed and thankful for the love that was shown on that cross so long ago. May we never grow callous to that love. May it always overwhelm us to the point of tears and rejoicing. For we were once dead and are now alive in Christ!!

So, I will press on because of that cross. Even when I am lonely or frustrated, may the cross be my motivation and my reason for living. Some days are amazing and I thank the Father for them. He reminds me of His grace every day. I live in an amazing part of the world and experience His beauty multiple times during each day. But it doesn't take away from the pain of missing so many I love and care about. The peace that comes from walking with the Father far outweighs the awkwardness and discomfort I experience at times. I pray that you would also find peace as you walk with the Father each day! Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. It means more than you will ever know.

Grown Men Cry

2009-06-28T07:37:00.000+02:00

We have had a volunteer team here for the last week and I learned something very valuable from them yesterday. This team consists of many 'grandparent types' and three college students. While they have been in Germany, they have helpped with preparation for many new ministry projects to come. Yesterday, we were sitting in the living room of my supervisor's house, evaluating the time here and something happened that I thought was just beautiful. The older men of the group were so touched by the events and people on this trip, they began to tear up. I have seen these men during this week pray together, discuss scripture, love thier wives deeply and care about others in such a tender way. Their example has truly touched me throughout the week.

There is country song by Tim McGraw called, "I Don't Know Why they Say Grown Men Don't Cry" and I couldn't help but think of it as I sat in that circle yesterday. I have seen some of the most amazing men reduced to tears when talking about their God, their women, their children, their friends and their country. This is a noble and wonderful thing and I find comfort in the tears of these men. Some of the most amazing men from scripture were recorded weeping over their brokenness or the brokenness of ones they loved. I am thankful for those great men of my church who weep when talking about what the Father has done in their lives and how much they love Him. This is a reflection of the tender mercy of our Lord as He weeps over a world who rejects Him and even despises Him. How it must break His heart and I pray that it will break my hear as well.

So, I must say thank you to the men of CCW for being so in love with Jesus that you can weep over what breaks his heart and rejoice in what makes him glad. What an amazing example and blessing you all are!

Craziness and Serving!

2009-06-22T13:27:00.000+02:00

So, this month has been extremely busy and I am thankful for the work that's been done. I have had house guests during most of June and have been very busy with them and with language school. The first part of June brought a singing group from Florida State University and I housed two of the members in my guest room for three weeks. Now, I have another wonderful roommate who is from Georgia and will be staying with me a week. I am so thankful for these new friends and how the Lord has encouraged me through them! From laughing and being silly to serious talks, it has been a wonderful experience to serve these ladies in this way.

I must say that God is teaching me a lot about being a servant. I'm not so good at it! When I become dissatisfied and selfish, it prevents me from being used by the Father and it also is detrimental to my attitude. I have experienced some of that this past week. When I look at life as an opportunity to serve others then my needs are met as others also serve me! It's amazing how the kingdom of God works. So whether it be a team of volunteers from the States, my supervisors or locals here, I want to have eyes to see how I can serve them. The Word speaks of 'good works that were prepared in advance for us to do' and I have been thinking of that every morning as I get up to start my day. I believe a really difficult day prompted this thought process. Last week, I had a low day of culture shock and sadness but as I prayed and read the Word, I realized that I have so many chances to be used and make a difference if I will be sensitive enough to realize it. I recognize that I cannot see these 'good works' without the intervention of the Father to open my eyes. I am only here for two years, and I don't want to miss any opportunity to minister to others.

I have had amazing conversations with American girls visiting here, people from my language class and my German friends here. This past week, I was privileged to eat lunch with Vanessa and her roommates and spend an evening in Bonn with my friend Evelyn. It's wonderful to invest in people here from very different backgrounds. It's amazing how much we all have in common when you get right down to it! We all get lonely, laugh at silly things, miss our families and loved ones when we are away, and want security and love. Most of all, we all were created to have a relationship with the Father. Every day I get to display to these friends that love!! What an amazing opportunity. My language class is the most interesting group of people ever and this is where it gets really exciting to learn about the cultures represented and display the love of Christ to them. I am the only American in the class. The other countries represented are Libya, Japan, Bangladesh, China, Saudi Arabia and Korea! It is really a lot of fun!! I have really befriended a girl from China who has actually moved closer to my town. She is a wonderful woman and I look forward to spending more time with her as I am here!! We actually made sushi together a couple of weeks ago! That's right, I made sushi! I am praying for more opportunities to hang out with her and the others who God puts in my path each day! What an amazing adventure I am on!!

Take Him Down

2009-06-03T16:31:00.000+02:00

So, this past weekend I went to Köln to tour with a volunteer group I am helping with over the next several weeks. Köln is the Deutsch word for the city of Cologne. I have been to this city a couple of times previously and still find it fascinating. There is so much history in this country...much of it tumultuous. After World War II, most of the city was destroyed, however this massive Cathedral survived and retained it's original Gothic structure. The cathedral took several decades to complete and many times when a building is under construction for that long, the style will change. This building did not. That is one of the most intriguing things about it. I can actually see the two spires from my kitchen window!! That is how huge this building is. I am struck not only by the size upon entering this massive structure but also at the ornate architecture throughout the entire building. There are many intricate sculptures and beautiful, colored stained glass windows. It's amazing how much time and money men spent on a building that is less than half full with people every Sunday making use of its purpose. The stone is cold and gray, much like the hearts of those who walk those floors every day. As voices echo off the ceilings and walls, I can't help think, so do the lofty prayers of most who enter there. Their prayers also bounce off the ceilings, getting no further than the walls that surround them. This fact breaks my heart. It is amazing how one can be in a place so beautiful but still feel hollow and empty. This building, among other age old beautiful churches, reminds me of the Pharisees mentioned in Scripture...they are nothing but white washed tombs-beautiful and extravagant on the outside while holding dead, dry bones on the inside.

Also inside are many displays of the Passion of the Christ and in all of them, Jesus is still on the cross or being removed from it. There is rarely a display of the resurrection and this saddens me greatly. Take Him down for He is not there any more!! This just reminds me more that the story of redemption does not end with the cross. If it did, then there would be no salvation because death would have won that day. But praise the Father, death was conquered through Christ when He rose from the grave on the third day just as He said he would!! Now there's a reason to rejoice! For this reason I live, move and have my being! This building needs life inside not just mechanical religion that tires the soul. And so do most who filter in and out of it every day. So, as I take pictures of these beautiful, haunting places, I lift up the people that are here and ask that the Father would breathe life into those whose hearts are dead. So many people come into these churches now and see nothing but beautiful architecture and hear only voices from the past. They light candles and pray but know nothing of the One to whom they speak those prayers. We all need more than cold, gray walls and pretty glass windows. The world NEEDS the love of a Savior who cared so much to give His own life that we might know him! He must be taken down from that cross and put on the throne where He belongs!!

Family and Friends

2009-05-20T18:58:00.000+02:00

So, this past weekend I had the opportunity to go home with one of my new friends to stay with her family and celebrate her and her mother's birthdays. I must say, the experience was more than I bargained for. My friend Vanessa, is a native to Germany and lives about 2 hours away from my home in Brühl. Her parents do not speak English and needless to say my German is barely enough to order food, let alone have a decent conversation with anyone. I really wanted to spend time with my new friend and see what was important to her so I decided to go. We piled into this little European car (those of you who know how tiny European cars can be can imagine this trip with 5 people crammed inside) with three other guys she knows and headed towards her home. The trip was rather amusing and enlightening. One of the guys asked me all kinds of questions about the United States and these questions led to some interesting conversations about faith, politics, movies and music.

When we arrived, I immediately felt at home. This surprised me because I rarely feel 'at home' anywhere here, just yet. And the last place I expected to feel 'at home' was in a home of Russian Germans who do not speak English. But the Father provided and I was welcomed into their home like an old friend. I found myself thanking God for the blessing of family. Everyone always says that you take things for granted until you don't have them any more. This is certainly true where family is concerned. I was sitting in the midst of these people, listening to them yell at each other across the house, laugh together and just do all the 'normal' things that families do. I found myself thanking the Father for letting me be a part of something so special even so far away from my own family. It was comforting to just be a part of a family for a weekend.

This made me think of being a part of a bigger family. The one we have in Christ. This truth has always amazed me but amazes me more still as I am building a life here. The Lord has brought some wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ to me here and I am always struck by how quickly we bond with one another. Here I am, across the world in a foreign land, but can relate immediately to those who belong to the family of Faith. Wow!! The Lord is so amazing to bless us in such a way. I am being encouraged by them daily and pray that He will use me to sharpen and encourage them also. I prayed in November that God would bless me quickly with German friends and the Father has richly granted that request! He knew that I would experience some of the loneliest, darkest times here so he provided me with just the right friends to bear the load with me.

So all that to say, when your family is getting on your nerves and you wish you could just run away, find comfort in the blessing of the mundane moments with those you love. Sharpen each other and bear each others burdens. Enjoy the family you have in Christ. We need each other and are used by the Lord daily to display His glory and His love. You never know how you just might be the answer to some one's prayer for a friend.

Culture Shock

2009-05-12T17:03:00.000+02:00

Yeah, so they were not kidding when they told us to expect culture shock! While at training earlier this year, the leaders were telling us how we would experience "culture shock" at some point (or points) after moving to our new homes across the world. Well, I must say that I have experienced this in a powerful way over the last few days. It's more than just not understanding the language or not liking the new food (definitely not a problem in Germany). It's going from having a life to having NO LIFE whatsoever! While living in the States, I had built a nice little nest for myself with friends, family, social activities, ministries, ect. Living in Germany has proven to be more wonderful and more difficult than I could have ever imagined. I have a total of maybe four friends, no one calls me on my phone, I can't understand much of what anyone says, I can go an entire day and not talk to anyone and there's not even a blip on the radar screen. My degree from UT doesn't mean a thing. The fact that I have a massage license or was a youth leader means nothing here. How humbling this realization is. I have wept over the loss and sacrifice but I rejoice in the Lord's call on my life. There is no where I would rather be than right here! These times of difficulties have once again driven me to my knees in desperation to hear from the Father. And as I go to Him, he encourages and sustains me. I am touched that He would choose to use such a weak vessel but it is when we are weak that we are made strong him. His power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9). I am seeing that more and more each day as I go to His Word and receive the life He promises. I realize so much the importance of His word in my life during this time of vulnerability and changes. His word will never change. In John 6, Jesus asks the disciples if they want to turn away like the rest and Peter responds, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life..." This is how I felt last night at one of the lowest points in my time here. Where would I go? Back to Knoxville? Not a chance!! I can honestly say that if someone offered me a free ticket home, I would say NO! I don't belong anywhere else but right here. I know this in the depths of my heart only because the Holy Spirit is affirming the Father's will in my life every day. So, I will press on! I am thankful for this place. I live in a wonderful apartment with a great view of this crazy city where God has placed me. I thank Him for the people as they set up for market outside my window at 5:30 in the morning!! I thank Him for the view from my kitchen window where I can see the spires of this great cathedral in Cologne. Such a beautiful, haunting place where prayers echo off the ceiling, bouncing back to the people uttering them because they don't know the love of a Savior who came to die for them. Oh no, there is no turning back now. I'm in too deep with the Father and nothing but what He desires will do. This is going to be one amazing adventure!

Thankful

2009-05-04T17:20:00.000+02:00

Well, I have been here almost a month in my new home overseas! I cannot believe it has already been that long. It seems like just yesterday I was recovering from jet lag! Life is beginning to have a rhythm here and for that I am very thankful. There are so many things to be thankful for. I have discovered many beautiful things about this country and the town in which I live and thank the Lord for them every day. I live within walking distance of a palace, a beautiful forest where I go run, many cafes, shops and restaurants. I am gradually learning my way around and developing more confidence each time I explore my home.

I am so thankful for the new friends I have made here. Vanessa and her roommates have been especially kind and welcoming to me. I prayed for one friend here and have made several! The Father is so good! He never ceases to amaze me with his grace, kindness and provision.

I am even learning to be thankful for the struggle. It has been extremely difficult at times to make this change and I continue to have bouts of loneliness and frustration. My faith is growing because of these moments, and for that I praise Him. I have no one else to depend on and that has been unnerving and wonderful at the same time. I have realized that my entire life I have always depended on so many people: parents, grandparents, friends, a boyfriend, even my own abilities. But being here, completely vulnerable and relatively helpless has forced me to totally depend on the Father and his perfect strength. He assures us in 2 Corinthians 12:9 that his power is made perfect in weakness. Well, I have never experienced such weakness as I have in this unfamiliar place. On the positive side, I have also never experienced the strength of the Father like I have here! I am anxious to settle in more and learn more about this culture that so fascinates me. I know I will experience more times of difficulty but I can't wait for the way the Father will provide and increase my faith! It makes the tough times totally worth it. He is more than enough and I love seeing Him prove it every single day through His word and His sovereign hand.

Germany at Last!

2009-04-27T17:50:00.000+02:00

Ok so first I must apologize for not updating sooner on my new life here accross the ocean. It has taken a while to get settled in here and I still am waiting on internet and phone for my apartment so its a bit tricky to update emails and my blog. And the keyboards are different here so I also apologize for typographical errors.

I have been here for a little over two weeks now and am learning much about my new home. I live in the most amazing town and have an apt. on the 12th floor! The view is fantastic and I am so thankful for my new home! I am graduallybecoming aquainted with little town of Bruhl in which I live and the surrounding area. I have taken the small street-car train by myself now many times (with a little help from friends in the beginning of course) and the larger, faster train by myself once. These little victories make this place more familiar each day. In the down town area of my town, there is a great place of shops and cafes that are so wonderful and inviting. I cannot wait to learn more of the area and language and frequent some of those little shops. The Father has been so good thus far to enable me to learn and explore this beautiful town. There is also a pallace down the street!! Imagine that, a real pallace just in walking distance from my apt!!! Welcome to Europe!!! It is just as I thought it would be!!

And I have already began to make friends with a few of the local girls here. When I arrived, my supervisor had set up for me to receive some language learning from someone from the Bible School here and we have just hit it off famously! Her name is Vanessa and she speaks very good English and is so sweet and funny. I truly adore her! I have spent many hours with her learning, laughing and growing in my comfort here. I prayed that the Lord would send me fast, local friends and He has totally delivered with Vanessa, her roommates and others that she has introduced me to. I am so thankful for their acceptance and hospitality in this foreign land.

I must say, that being completely vulnerable and new here has grown my prayer life like I would not believe! As I face some lonely days and difficult learning experiences I am drawn to the Father and his promises in the Word. I find myself praying constantly because I feel there is nothing else I can do. I am assured more and more through the Spirit that this is exactly what I SHOULD do! I can always pray, even though I dont know the language or the culture very well, I can lift up these people and my role here every day. I draw comfort from the fact that the Father is unchanging, in this world that is so full of changes. I love this place and cannot wait for the days to come when I can call cafes my favorite and actually speak to people on the elevator! For now, I just smile and try to show the Father on my face and in my actions everywhere I go.

One of these days I am going to post some pictures when I figure out how. Hopefully when I get my internet in my apt. I will be able to update more frequently my adventures here. I have already had several! They will have to wait until later however, for I am running up quite a bill at this internet cafe that I have to use in the mean time. Until next time...

Getting Ready

2009-03-30T15:27:00.000+02:00

Well, I am not sure where to start. Saturday, I went to a funeral/memorial service of a dear woman of my church and was blessed and challenged more than I could have ever imagined. This woman was truly an ispiration as she battled brain cancer for several years and never complained once. She left behind a seven year old daughter, husband, sister and even father. As I sat in her service, I was moved to tears, not because of sadness but because of the life she lived and the attitude she displayed throughout her battle. She held firm to her faith and the God who created and loved her even as her life was ebbing away. A video was shown of her singing in our church and the words of that song echo in my ears even now as I am writing this. She sang of her devotion to Jesus and her love for him, "I will walk through the valley if you want me to". I am amazed at this resolve! Even through her death, she testified to the love and confidence she had in a God who loves her, chose her and held her in the palm of his hand until her last breath. She was ready to run into the arms of her savior. She never hesitated to show the love of the Father to anyone she met. She was ready!

This got me thinking of being ready, not just for death but for each day. I am getting ready to embark on a great adventure! I am moving to a foreign country to live for the next couple of years! I am in the throws of preparation and packing! I am stressed out and distracted! In this time it is important to slow down and take time to love those around me and thank the Father for the amazing blessings of the day. I don't want to miss the journey because I am so focused on the destination. I don't want to miss any opportunity to express love to those around me, help someone in need, notice the beauty of East Tennessee spring days, appreciate southern food, snuggle in my bed, put my feet up in the familiarity of my home, go for a jog, etc. I want to see distractions as opportunities! I do not want to have any regrets! And so the last couple of weeks, I will strive to appreciate where I am and "be all there". The Father is so good and I don't want to miss a thing!! Until next time...

Home...for a little while.

2009-03-27T21:21:00.000+01:00

Well, I have finally made it home from two months in Virginia. I can't believe that my time there is already over. I must say it feels a little bitter sweet. I mean, I am glad to be home with my friends and family but leaving my new friends was extremely difficult. I developed some of the most amazing relationships and parting with them left me a bit sad. Thankfully, I know I will get to see many of them on the other side of the pond and the others maybe some day upon my return. I have much to keep me busy in Knoxville. Thankfully, I know the Father will be gracious to keep me on track while I prepare to leave. He has already proven himself faithful and I know He will continue to throughout my travels and preparation. I have already began marking things off my "to do" list and that is a miracle in and of itself. I am so thankful for my time in VA and the way I grew and learned there. It's time to move on now and put into action all that I have prepared for. The days to come will be filled with packing, phone calls, visits, packing, eating delicious southern food, packing, perhaps a hair cut, paperwork and more packing. I have been wondering how in the world to pack for two years of my life! I over-pack for a weeks vacation!! This could be bad! I'm really going to have to learn to stream line. For now, I will enjoy America and English and familiarity because it's all about to change! I pray that I will adapt well and truly feel at home in Germany. I know it will take time and effort and I am praying for the strength to not only survive but THRIVE in my new home. Jim Elliot says, "Wherever you are, be all there". Well, I am not in Germany yet, so I will do my best during the next two weeks to be completely present in Knoxville, TN. The time for Germany will come. Until then...

I Feel Like a Displaced Person

2009-02-26T22:13:00.000+01:00

We have been learning about displaced people groups during my time in Virginia and it just occurred to me that I am a displaced person! Not in the way that someone might think. I don't live in a country that is not my own (yet). I was not driven out of my home because of political unrest or persecution. But I don't necessarily feel like I have a "home" right now. Knoxville, TN is where I my family is and the house I grew up in and many of my lifelong friends. But it still doesn't feel like home. I just don't feel like I belong there. I think this is because The Father has been preparing me for this phase of my life for a few years now. My heart has been in the process of severing ties to everything that has been familiar to me. Now I am in VA and this also does not feel like home. This is just a transition. Although, I know many of the relationships I have formed here will be the everlasting kind. Of this, I am so thankful. Then there's Germany! My future home! I have been praying for a sense of homecoming when I arrive in this new, unfamiliar land. I know that The Father will be faithful and I will know the reason I was created. I suppose I'm getting closer to "home". As I move from one phase of life to another, I am confident I am right where my Creator wants me to be. I guess I won't be truly home until I reach the other side. I will do my best to enjoy the heck out of the journey!! How FUN!!

Always Amazed

2009-02-13T22:23:00.001+01:00

Well, I am almost done with my third week of training. I don't think I could really recount all that I have learned in my time here. I keep thinking, "How much more could I possibly learn?" But, yet I still manage to spend 6 plus hours in classes learning all kinds of new information. One thing I am thankful for is the way God touches me in so many of these sessions. I am always amazed at the sacrifices God's people have made through the years. I am amazed at His timing and how merciful He is. I amazed at how He equips His children to do amazing things. I am amazed at the bond that is between His children and how He places people in your life to uphold you and pray you through the tough times. I am amazed at the people who so willingly die for Christ! It's worth the cost! I am amazed at the friends He provides to laugh with you and make you pretty scarves. I am amazed that He loves me even when I suck...BIG TIME!! I am always amazed at who He is and who He makes me. "Who am I that you are mindful of me?" I am only a sinner saved by the amazing grace of God!! Praise God!

Ahh...time alone.

2009-02-03T23:26:00.000+01:00

I am tired! As we have sat through session upon session, I realized my need for time alone: time to read, pray, praise or just sit and stare at the ceiling. Today, we had so many lessons on goals and priorities, I started thinking how desperate I was to just get away and spend time in prayer. I find that I am desperate to sift through all these competing thoughts and ambitions and let my mind rest. I am still trying to figure out how to turn the brain off or at least slow it down a little. I find that when so many things are competing for my attention it paralyzes me to complete inaction. That's something me and God had a talk about earlier today. It takes a great deal of supernatural intervention to calm me down. What a great opportunity to stop and let God plan my day and my priorities to what will most glorify Him. After all, isn't that what it's all about? Bringing God glory in all that we do? Time alone is the best place to start.

2009-01-31T20:38:00.001+01:00

I am still trying to figure out this blog thing. I don't think I am doing a very good job and I wouldn't be surprised if no one ever wanted to read it! But, I'll try anyway...

It's sunny in Richmond today and here I sit in the library! What's wrong with me?! Oh yeah, I am in training for two months to work in Germany with the IMB for two years! That means lots of cross cultural training and research, not to mention...LANGUAGE TRAINING!!!!! That's probably the scariest thing of all! German is not an easy language to learn, but I encourage myself by the realization that I know more today than I did yesterday...or any day for that matter. Rosetta Stone has been very helpful but I know LIVING in the country is going to be the best help of all! I am praying for some supernatural understanding here! It's difficult to make the "shv" sound and also the gutteral tones that come with this language. My lips feel very clumsy. I must confess, I think Italian would be eaiser and certainly prettier. I am jealous of my friend Amber as I hear her practicing her Italian. I am comforted by the fact if I ever have children, I can yell at them in German and probably be more intimidating than in English.

Days are filled with meetings here on campus. I don't particularly care for sitting 2-3 hours in these meetings. However, the pertinence of the information I'm receiving helps the time pass a little more quickly.

I think I'm going to cut this one short until I can figure some things out. Perhaps next time I'll have pictures and more exciting information. Until then...